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Order of Balance: Give and Receive – A Systemic Perspective From a systemic perspective, life and relationships operate on a principle of balance between giving and receiving. Every system—family, work, community, or society—functions optimally when contributions and support flow in both directions. When this balance is respected, life flows smoothly, relationships thrive, and resources, opportunities, and emotional support are naturally available. Violations of this balance—

From a systemic perspective, every person has a rightful place in their family and social system. Honoring this natural order—recognizing our position relative to parents, elders, leaders, and peers—allows resources, opportunities, and support to flow naturally. When this order is violated, life responds with resistance, conflict, or scarcity. Exclusion is one of the most disruptive forces in any system. 1. Exclusion in the Family In families, exclusion occurs when a member i

The stages outlined below describe common childhood mindsets that persist into adulthood when emotional development is incomplete. Each stage reflects a particular relationship to responsibility, power, and hierarchy. By recognizing where we are stuck, we can stop reenacting old survival roles and begin the real work of growing up—taking full responsibility for our inner world and allowing life to meet us with support, clarity, and flow rather than resistance. Infant: “I Can’

From a systemic perspective, life operates according to natural principles. When we are in the right place—emotionally, relationally, and hierarchically—resources, opportunities, and support flow to us effortlessly. The systemic perspective encourages us to take full responsibility for our lives and truly “grow up”—not just in age, but emotionally, physically, and mentally.  When we act from arrogance, neediness, or exclusion , however, the flow of life becomes blocked, leadi

Those who arrive first should be given precedence. There is a perfect order for everything, and everyone has a place. From a systemic perspective, life operates according to certain rules. When we are in the right place—emotionally, relationally, and hierarchically—resources, opportunities, and support flow to us naturally. When we are not, life responds with challenges, resistance, or lack.  These are not punishments or failures; they are feedback. In systemic terms, difficu

What are the hidden forces that influence our lives? Hellinger discovered that human life is systemic. We live within systems, not as isolated individuals. Families, organizations, and societies are interconnected systems. All systems are governed by natural orders. These orders operate beyond our awareness. They silently shape relationships, behavior, and life outcomes. He called these principles The Orders of Love.   Order of Hierarchy Order of Belonging Order of Balance Wh

A client came to me recently, and I thought I’d share his story. Many of us believe we’re somehow “doomed” in relationships or that there’s something inherently wrong with us. This belief often explains why we repeatedly attract the wrong people. He found himself, yet again, checking on her late at night because she hadn’t responded for hours. Successful, smart, and independent, he felt trapped in the same cycle he’d experienced before — drawn to emotionally unavailable, unpr